guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
