i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
