Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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