So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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