So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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