Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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