WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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