I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
