The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
