I puked a lego.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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