Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
