Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
