I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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