dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
