Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Still dying that you shit outside
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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