im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
