I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
