On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize