those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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