Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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