Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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