True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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