I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
