I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
