Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
