SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
