Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
