we're blogging at a bar
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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