It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize