I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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