Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
