Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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