Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
