All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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