I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize