Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
