he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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