She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
