sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
