I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
