I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
