I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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