Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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