he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
should my penis look like a turkey
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
