if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Operation Purity has been aborted
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
