And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
