Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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