Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
