Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
