Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
