Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
