Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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