I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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