im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
