OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
