Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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