Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
