i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
