atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
