So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
