So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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