There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize