I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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