i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
